Regarding our future, we have not given each other an explanation.

Love seems to be here to draw a silence. Even if I feel very unwilling to accept it, I dare not expect anything because I know what I have done to Zhang Yao.

What she wanted was pure love, so she chose to give blindly. Finally, on that night, she realized that her efforts had not received the reward she wanted. So the sound of her shoes stepping on the ground became a symphony for her to leave me.

Yes,

This must be the case.

No,

I don't want that to be the case.

I would rather believe in naively and selfishly. Zhang Yao was just as angry at my behavior as before. She would return to me if she only needed a few days of quietness because she had seen the hope of 'pure love' in me.

This is something other men have never given her.

But is this true?

With a silent and bitter smile, I wiped my face and stood in front of the window. The gentle evening breeze penetrated into the window, bringing coolness and also waking me from my dream.

The streets are brightly lit, and they cover the stars in the midsummer night sky; I finally lost her, in this night sky that is no different from usual. Perhaps, this is the only theme of this night.

I began to miss the night sky when I was a child.

It was in the countryside. I was lying on my grandma's rocking chair. She used a palm-leaf fan to blow the wind on me and taught me to recognize the Big Dipper in the night sky. The starry sky at that time was really brilliant, purely without any mixing. In the quiet night, there was only chirping and insects, playing the unique symphony of the countryside.

I haven't heard it in a long time.

During this period, the old man became older, so old that he is now lying on the hospital bed, hanging by medical instruments for the last breath, waiting to see me, my little grandson, I have indeed grown up, but I seem to be not truly mature.

Otherwise, how could Zhang Yao say that he was unwilling to witness my growth?

Thinking of this.

The corners of my eyes began to wet.

In the cold room, I began to have no hope for the so-called pure love, because in this city, there are no pure people. Every day, many people leave here, and many people come here. We are just passers-by. During the day, we will hide our emotions, wear different masks, and face different people.

Only at night, when I am alone, can I dare to vent my emotions, either suppress or excited, scold the city under my feet, pick up the dreams I dare not hope for after I get here, fantasize about the future of my lover, and hope in my heart that he is a passerby, the homecoming person in Beijing.

I wiped away the tears.

If you don’t return home, what’s the use of crying?

Before I took off my clothes, I threw myself on the sand, set the alarm clock at 5 o'clock in the morning, and fell asleep.

Sleep is the only way I think of to escape, to escape the suppression and self-blame heart, to endure the loneliness that appears in the dark after closing my eyes. It is enough to engulf me into other spaces. Only in that dark and narrow space can I be the real me.

I will also be painful, weak, and cry.

Once upon a time, there was a deep sea, and above the deep sea, there was a woman's back.

Now, it's just a deep sea left.

The noise of the alarm clock woke me up from my sleep. I struggled to get up, walked into the bathroom, took a warm bath, and after washing up, when I was about to call Tong Xue, Tong Xue took the lead in calling me.

"I was about to call you."

"I just finished washing up, so we met at the South Station?"
Chapter completed!