My Muzi is gone.

At 19:07 on September 11, 2018, her last heartbeat and breathing stopped.

At that moment, I was a little dull and couldn't even feel the pain. Because about half an hour ago, I just broke down and cried bitterly. When I was crying, I just shouted, "I can't bear to leave her."

The children came at 18 o'clock. Before I finally went to see my mother, I told them that this might be the last time you have seen her mother. If you have anything to say, I will tell her later. Because her mother is sick and difficult to lose weight, she doesn't want to feel so uncomfortable anymore. She is going to the sky to become a star.

The lights in the ward were very dim. I didn't expect them to see their mother's waxy face soaring because of bilirubin. We didn't want to scare the children, and she was the same. Just two days ago, she struggled to keep snatching the earwax for the children. At that time, my daughter asked, "Mom, why are your eyes yellow?"

When the children saw their mother, they were beyond my expectations of peace. I said to them, "You call her mother."

They called. I told Muzi that the children were coming. At that time, her blood pressure was already very low and she didn't react much.

The children touched their mother's hands, and their daughter asked: Why is their mother's hands so cold? I told her that their mother's blood circulation is not good.

I said to them, just say anything to my mother. The children were a little confused, and the son said, "I don't know what to say."

My son asked me: What is mom doing?

I said my mother was tired and she hadn't slept much for a long time, and she wanted to sleep for a while.

My son asked again: Why does mom sleep like this? I'm a little scared.

At that time, my wife's breathing was in her final state, interrupted, one after another.

I asked the children to leave, but I didn't want them to see the mother's last look. They left, and Muzi's blood pressure was gone. For another hour, his heartbeat and breathing gradually stopped.

I was completely dull and dull, and everything seemed to be a dream.

She was so strong that she sent me a WeChat message in the morning, and the last two words she said to me were: "Don't worry."

All my voice, appearance, smile and appearance are still in my mind. Every time I ask her how she is, her almost answer is: "It's so good."

She always smiles and says these three words. She always smiles. She is always so happy and full of hope.

The last time I was hospitalized, every time I went to see her, she would always say to me: "Husband, I am very happy. I don't regret it."

Sometimes I will say, "Husband, I love you very much, don't worry, I will definitely be fine."

But she still left, the triple-negative breast cancer metastasized to the liver, and liver failure eventually took her away.

Two years and ten months ago, there has been a big stone in my heart, which has been ups and downs with her condition. At this moment, the dust settled and the stone was gone, but my heart was empty.

As soon as she left, thunder began to rain outside and it started to rain. I really want to ask the heavens, if this is the tears you shed for her, why do you have to take her away from me?

I especially hate the four words "deep love or not" longevity. Why do we have to let her leave me if we have a good relationship? Is it wrong to have a deep love for each other?

Today is the 12th anniversary of our marriage, and it is also the 19 and a half years since we were together. I was originally planning to do a good job on the 20th anniversary next year, but now she is no longer here.

These days, my mind has always been filled with her voice, appearance, smile, and endless memories.

I still clearly remember when we met for the first time, she smiled sweetly and asked me: "Guess who the koala is." That was her online name, it was March 6, 1999, and we met the Internet.

I was a little dazed these days because I would think of her unconsciously almost every ten or twenty seconds. I often talk to her in the bedroom, and I told her, if you come back, I will come to see me in my dreams, I will wait for you, I am not afraid. But she never came.

From the time I got sick to the present, two years and ten months. For me, this may be the longest period of my life.

Every change, every recurrence, every development of the disease, every improvement, every recurrence, and then again. Despair and hope again and again. She is so strong that she has never cried or made a fuss. She will only shed tears when a foreign doctor asks her what to do if you are treating abroad.

Until the end, we didn't give up hope. The doctors and my scientist friends were trying every means to treat her. We used experimental medicine and I prayed for a miracle every day.

At that time, I even thought that if there was a miracle that really cured my Muzi, I would write another book for her, called "For Me, Please Create a Miracle", which corresponds to the first book I wrote for her, "For You, I Willing to Love the Whole World".

But she still left. But I still thank every doctor who has treated and helped her for the past two years in her life. Scientist friends, thank you for keeping us hope and alleviating her pain as much as possible. Especially Professor Yang, he is a scientist, he has always helped us give us advice and advice. He has helped me extend Muzi's life for at least one year. Dr. Chen never gave up on making the world's most advanced anti-cancer vaccine for her even though he knew that my wife could no longer reverse it. He also accompanied me to protect her at the last moment. Thank you.

At the end, my mother-in-law and I decided not to do any traumatic rescue for Muzi when the condition was irreversible. Even if we left, she would let her walk as dignified as possible. The doctor asked us what we wanted them to do. I told them to let Muzi suffer as little as possible. If we really wanted to leave, I would rather she walk faster because in this way, she would suffer less. We should not let us live see her for a few more days and let her suffer more torture. I can't bear it.

My muzi is simple, kind and beautiful. She used to have long knee-length hair. She is my good wife and a good mother to the children.

She is stupid and sometimes stupid. She always tells me that she has been stupid for three years in one pregnancy and has two children. She should be stupid for six years. But this is not important to me. What is important is that I just like her. I just like to care for her and help her handle everything. I will arrange everything at home and outside the home.

The day before yesterday, her best friend told me that she told her best friend that she was very happy and she had no regrets.

Until the last day of her departure, she told me that she wanted to have something delicious. On the last WeChat message that morning, she also said that she dreamed that she could be discharged from the hospital last night and that our family would go out for dinner.

A fortune-telling friend once said that there were three Tianzhu God of Food in her horoscope, and she was always proud of it. But that friend also said that we will be with us until we are old and live until we are ninety years old.

In the past three years, I have tried my best to do everything. All her treatment plans were set by me, and she has never questioned them. In a sense, she is indeed happy. When I comforted my mother-in-law, I also said that at least, when she left, she had parents, husbands, and children around her. Although her life was short, her optimism and cheerfulness made her life broad.

In the past two years, we have been to many places. As long as it is a treatment interval, I will take her out for fun. At that time, I thought to myself that at least she will leave less regrets. But when she really left, I found that I still have so many places to take her there, and there are still so many delicious foods to take her to eat.

At noon on the day she left, she held my hand and said to me: "Husband, I want to eat fruits intimately with you, and then I will have a good sleep. When I wake up, I will cooperate with the doctor to treat it well. I will cooperate with the doctor whatever the doctor wants."

This was the final complete thing she said to me. At that time, she was almost out of strength to open her eyes.

I kept holding her hand from warm to cold.

I tried to make myself less painful because I knew that she would not want to see me in a state of grief. I also comforted myself. I really tried my best, but I was still heartbroken and couldn't breathe.

On the third day of her departure, I sent her on her last journey. I thought that when she was alive, I would give her the best, and everyone left, nothing was meaningless. I just wanted to hold a simple farewell ceremony. But our relatives, many of her friends, and many of my friends, came from all over the country and sent her to the last time. Thank you.

All my friends like her very much because I used to call her Xiaozhu, and my friends I met in my early years also called her that. I said a lot of eulogies that day, but I only remember two sentences. "I can't bear to leave her. I miss her very much."

I am a rational person and will only collapse intermittently. I thought that day, my friend came to accompany me and had a glass of wine. Maybe my tight heart strings were slightly relaxed for a moment, and all the strength in my heart collapsed instantly. I posted on Weibo: Take me away, I miss you so much.

Two years and ten months, this thought has appeared in my heart many times. However, my mother's tears, mother-in-law's tears, and the deep sadness of the two fathers. The children's ignorant and helpless eyes. How can this pillar in my family let go of them?

Someone comforted me that people actually die three times. The first time is when the breathing stops, her people die. The second time is when cremation is made, she dies in society. The third time is when the last person who remembers her dies, and then she is really dead.

Therefore, my Muzi is still alive and has always been in my heart. I must live well, so that she can live longer.

That day I told her that I would take good care of my parents and our children.

I know, she is reluctant to leave me, I have her long hair. Her blood flows through our children.

Today is our wedding anniversary. Today, perhaps it is also the dividing line between the three young men of the former Tang family and the three young men of the latter Tang family.

In addition to you and your family, I have the most important thing. Today, I will give it to you as our wedding anniversary gift and let it accompany you to wait for me on the other side.

Fourteen years and seven months, the Internet serialization has been updated continuously. Today, I am interrupted for you. Sorry, my book friends, today, please let me belong to her only, thank you everyone.

My son asked me: "Mom has become a star, but when there are no stars, how do I think of my mother?"

I told him, then take a look at my mother's photos.

In two years and ten months, I have learned to be strong and brave. Don’t worry, my Muzi, although you have left, your longbow will become stronger and stronger. I will protect everything we all want to protect.

My Muzi, may you be like the stars in the sky, bright, brilliant forever, and peaceful forever.

I still remember that when I was writing a love letter to you, my signature was: The Third Young Master of Tang Family in the Galaxy Ximo. At that time, I just wanted to express that I was the one who cherished you the most in the entire Galaxy. Later, I saw how naive I was when I was eighteen years old. But today, let me use this naive signature again.

I will always love you, as long as I am still there, you will be there.
Chapter completed!