This night, when we learned about Roger's dream, I finally understood why a 33-year-old uncle was so drunk that he was so drunk that he was crazy about an online novel.

The reason why Roger is still alive is supported by his dream in the second half of his life. He can't stand the ambiguous things about dreams. He is over YY's age. He doesn't believe that a person can get a plug-in and dominate the world without doing anything. He may regard himself as a running Bu Brain. He is more willing to sweat and fight for his son and his dreams, rather than placing his dreams on a plug-in that never exists.

This night, Roger once said repeatedly echoed in my ears: "Do something, you have to do something. Brother, do something, do something for the online literary world that you have been struggling for more than eight years..."

I have never tried it, and I wrote a book full of friends' expectations.

I haven't tried it, what can I do for this circle.

Today, I suddenly wanted to try it.

In this special city, my determination to give it a try is deepened.

The city of Chengdu has a very special significance to me.

My first online novel was completed in this city. At that stage, I had various shortcomings, but I had the passion I gradually lost in the days to come.

Sometimes I was a little superstitious, such as when I was 24 years old, I wore red underwear for a whole year. I remember that year a minor girl gave me a dozen red shorts. This night, I was a little superstitious and thought that Chengdu might be my blessed place. I just got up with the idea of ​​giving it a try, but I didn't expect that the passion suddenly rekindled, as if I had returned to the stage when I just entered the online literature industry eight and a half years ago.

Think about it carefully, there was nothing good at that stage. It was passionate and speed, which resulted in all the enthusiasm being consumed in the tractor-like code-writing years.

The reason why I remember that stage is probably because many years later I didn’t even have that kind of enthusiasm.

A few months ago, I carefully examined my mental state and once wanted to close the books. At that time, I had just quit smoking. I had just quit smoking, but I had not quit my psychological addiction yet. As soon as I typed words, I subconsciously wanted to smoke, and then I felt anxious and couldn't write a word.

This situation lasted for two months and had not improved. It happened that I had a book I had not wanted to write for a long time and had not finished it. Two leaders appeared in the book that lacked highlights. This group of people made me feel warm. During my miserable period, there were still such a group of people who had no intersection with my life supporting me in the way they could. In order to give them an explanation, I planned to finish the book.

Those days were very slow and difficult. Every day, I had to face family affairs that made me collapse, and psychological counseling that made me feel more and more confused as I was treated. In this case, I really wanted to persist.

I bought a whole box of lollipops and put them in a small dark room. I ate it so much that my lips were dry, gums and inflamed, and I finally barely resisted the outbreak of smoking addiction. I wrote two hundred words a day in such an environment, and at the speed of writing three thousand words in half a month, I finally finished the book. The ending of the book expressed my inner sighs and ups and downs. At the end of the chapter, I chose such a title - the finale of your sister.

On the day I finished writing that book, I swear that I would never write a book again in my life!

It is not until today that I realized that writing and I are more like a couple, always quarreling at the bedside and at the end of the bed. I have broken up and got together several times, and each time is accompanied by various reasons and stories.

The first time I gave up typing was in 2007. At that time, my life was very active and struggling. I felt that I had to work, fall in love and integrate into society. These things were urgent.

After a year, about the spring of 2008 was about to be summer, I met an old acquaintance in the typing industry. After a few years, he had been upgraded from a floppy writer to a popular writer, and he could not help but show off in front of me.

But I can’t stand others showing their domineeringness in front of me. When I encounter this situation, I often be more ruthless than the other party. At that time, I told him: 10,000 orders are nothing. If you have the ability, just orders ten thousand orders and then the eunuch will drop them!

He thought I was joking with him, but it turned out he was wrong.

That day I put on a vest and reappeared in the world. After a year, I completed the feat of ten thousand eunuchs.

After I was eunuch, I realized that this was a bit too impulsive.

Impulsive people will always have impulsive punishment.

The years of failure in the following years were probably the punishment God had given me.

Looking back afterwards, I could only sigh: It’s so passionate, young people are so passionate.

It's particularly ironic. During that impulsive period, my son was born, and I had to calm down and think about what I could do for him. My childhood was not very lucky. I was thrown to my grandmother after being weaned at the age of one. Before I was eight, I couldn't remember what my parents looked like. I didn't want my son to experience such a childhood, so I didn't leave home for more than twenty miles in the next four years.

Maybe I did this too deliberately, which led to me being too depressed later on.

At that time, I thought I was very great, so I put aside the idea of ​​going out and wandering and gave up the opportunity to work far away. My child’s mother and I decided to start a business and do some small business by myself. After starting a business, I returned to my old business. At that time, my idea was very ideal. If everything went well, I would not work part-time and become a full-time writer.

It turns out that an old eunuch would definitely not be so smooth if he wanted to rejuvenate his second spring.

The results of the works since then were bleak, and many supernatural events occurred. For example, when I was not inspired, the business in the store was often very idle, and when I found inspiration, the business was often very busy, as tired as a dead dog. I have had many painful experiences of forced interruption of my creative ideas, and the process was like someone knocking on the door halfway through the sheets.

When I was about to give up this job, my other writer friend Xiaocong gave me new inspiration.

Xiaocong is talented and has become popular in his first book when he debuted. He had a bright future, but he accidentally stood in the wrong camp and experienced the trough of his life. Later, he learned from his mistakes and transformed into a young, fresh and quick-flowing official writer, writing millions of words without any pressure.

This guy is a low-key person. He secretly counts money and secretly doesn't even know that it is his vest at first. After the truth is revealed, I think he is an inspirational brother to me.

I learned from him, and he said, "Aren't you doing that before? Just draw the gourd as you like."

I told my troubles. First of all, I don’t like to repeat similar subjects. Secondly, I don’t like others to always say that I am lewd without any intention. I wrote a book very carefully, and thought about it more than ten times in detail. But everyone thought that the book was not lewd enough and scolded her.

In response, Xiaocong said: "How can everything go well? Who told you to be so lewd from the beginning?"

I said, "I just want to prove that in addition to writing this kind of subject, I also think of that kind of subject."

He said: "Who needs you to prove it? What others want to see is a fixed subject, and you have been labeled."

I said, "I feel uncomfortable if I keep being so lewd, and I can't set a good example for my son in the future."

He said: "While your son has not grown up, you should hurry up and slutty, and write something positive when it becomes popular. Don't feel wronged. Many big names have made third-level films before, just like Shu Qi."

That day, four words circled in my mind: Just like Shu Qi.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I felt that my writing career was too bumpy. At the beginning, I needed to show my point and try my best to get out of my position. After going through hardships, I could only wrap my coat tightly.

During that time, I often used Shu Qi to motivate myself.

Unfortunately, many people’s success is irreplicable, and Xiaocong’s transformation case is not suitable for me.

My transformation ended in failure, and the subsequent works were very distorted. Every time I came to a critical moment, I would always resist this transformation. This resistance came particularly strong. I often thought that if I had to change it, I would rather stop writing. Later, I felt that I was finished and fell into the quagmire of wanting to be a bitch and a archway.

It was not until I talked to Roger that day that I realized that what I really resisted was that YY and that pattern.

It was that day that I realized how could someone like me who was unwilling to live in routines force themselves to write such routines?

Too many external factors affect our lives and even our destiny.

We can always find all kinds of reasons to force ourselves to change, such as survival of the fittest, and survival of the fittest, although sometimes this change makes us lose the purest and most real things.

Later I realized that the most real thing in my heart cannot be thrown away no matter what.

We cannot ignore these factors for most of the time. Only in some short moments, such as drunkenness and taking drugs or half awake and half dreaming, can we ignore everything we get out of the world. At that moment, we often feel like we find our true self.

This night, I seemed to have found a true self and wrote a start in a very short time. Such a start is destined to be a small audience subject. What's more sad is that because this subject is often short, even if you work hard to complete the book, others will think it is a failure. Such a subject cannot gain a foothold in this online literary world that starts at hundreds of words.

However, I especially want to write it out.

I have a quirk. The more difficult the conditions are, the less I am willing to give up.

Seven years ago, I spent a lot of effort to write 100,000 words. The book is called Gray People. No website is willing to sign a novel with only 100,000 words. Everyone thinks it is not an online novel, and it is not even enough for a public version of the word count, so that the book has not yet had the chance to meet the world openly.

I didn't expect that I would do the same thing again seven years later. The book I was about to write may be more than 100,000 words, but not much. Looking back on the time when I wrote about gray people, the process was very happy. Regardless of whether others were happy or not, I was happy by myself. This time, I think I should be able to get double the joy after the accumulation of time.

I can imagine what will happen if this book is written. I can even guess that when I upload it, there will definitely be some high-level blacks who pretend to be my fans to predict whether this book can exceed 300,000 words. I think that if that day really comes, I just need to recite "Thirty, your mother's pussy" in my heart, and then write my book calmly.

Roger said something very right. I have a book in my mind and I should write it out.

With the start, there is then.

What I pursue this time may be a tragedy or a miracle.

I don't know what will happen then, so I want to know what will happen then.
Chapter completed!